


Touch Me

by capn_cecil_ang



Category: The Haunting of Hill House (TV 2018), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Jesus (Walking Dead), Dealing with Emotions, Developing Friendships, Eventual Smut, Grief/Mourning, I don't know the difference between mature and explicit anymore, Jesus is a dick, M/M, Mutual Pining, Special Abilities, Top Aaron, but he has a good reason to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 14:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17561783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capn_cecil_ang/pseuds/capn_cecil_ang
Summary: Jesus has a lots of layers. He always found it hard to open up to people. And after Ken's death things seem to get even worse. Can Aaron rekindle the light in Jesus again? (Yes, he can.)





	Touch Me

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea when I was binge watching The Haunting of Hill House on New Year's Eve. The character of Theo really intrigued me and then one thing led to another and here we are. I did modify the ability a bit so it's not entirely the same as Theo's. If you didn't see THOHH, I'm not gonna spoil it for you, read and find our what kind of ability Jesus has :)  
> Also, not betad so any mistakes are on me.

     It was warm spring night and at any other day it would be a great night to relax and do some stargazing. But this day was one of the bleak ones when they lost a member of their community once again.     

Ceremony was serene; everyone was mourning in their own way. Residents of Hilltop were gathered around, listening to Alden’s wistful song. His voice was soft and full of emotions. After he was done he made a brief toast and some of the residents took a short drink in remembrance of their lost comrade. Then it was time for Gregory’s toast. The old man took a place in the center of people gathered, a glass in his hand.

“Ken was a quiet, good-hearted young man.” he started. “He wasn’t a fighter. He… he tended to our animals. He… he shoed the horses. It’s regular guys like Ken that keep a place going.”

Tammy Rose, Ken’s mother, was trying to hold it together and she was doing a great job up until now. But it started to be all too much for her and she broke down into loud sobs, her husband Earl pulling her closer to him for comfort. Jesus’ eyes traveled from Gregory to Tammy Rose and Earl. He thought about how horrible it must have been for them, having to bury their own son.

Gregory continued, his voice audibly breaking at certain moments: “He will be remembered as a son, a friend… a-a-a shining example of Hilltop’s strength and fundamental decency, even in the face of this terrible tragedy. Cheers, Ken.” he said and raised his glass. “Rest in peace.”

His gesture was repeated by the most of Hilltop residents who all drank again to show respect for the lost life. Gregory then turned to make his way out of the spotlight, when he walked pass Jesus.

“Gregory,” the shorter man said, making the other stop. “That was beautiful.”

“Something like this really makes you think about what you have and what you’ve lost.” Gregory said, his words deeply resonating within Jesus. “And I’m just…,” Gregory continued, “I’m just grateful for where I am.” With that he made his way pass him and disappeared into the shadows.

Jesus stayed there, watching Gregory leave for a while, thinking over what the other man just said. Jesus himself never really lost anyone that close to him. Mostly because he never really let himself be that close to someone. But he knew the feeling of grief, he experienced it first-hand, though not willingly. His mind turned briefly towards Maggie, one of the few people he let a bit closer than usual. Jesus knew how strong Maggie´s grief for her husband was, even after so much time. He didn’t even need to come close to her to feel it. It radiated from her every time she was near him. And yet, she was able to carry on. He admired her for that.

 

Tammy Rose gave one last long look towards her dead son and then Marco lead her away. Jesus, Kal, Earl, and Alden stepped over to the coffin and shut it close. They lifted it, making their way towards area where residents built their cemetery. As they came close to the place they were about to place down the coffin, Alden stumbled and lost his hold of it. Jesus, still deep in his thoughts, was unable to act fast enough and the coffin slipped from their collective grasp. It hit the ground with a loud thud. Thankfully, it was well put together and the wood it was made of was sturdy enough so the thing didn’t break. The only damage was, that the top opened and the pale face of Ken was now peeking through the gap at them. Jesus was about to say something when he saw Earl’s painful expression. Earl’s breath hitched and he took a deep breath in, trying to calm himself down. But it didn’t seem to help. His hands started to shake and he started to sob, burying his face in his hands.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I need a moment to…” he said, his words muffled by his hands. Alden and Jesus exchanged quick glances and Alden stepped towards Earl, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Come on then,” he said softly, gently leading Earl further from the cold dead body of his son.

Jesus was looking after them, lost in his thoughts, when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. He flinched instinctively, even though he knew he had both long sleeves and his gloves on.

“Sorry,” Kal said, putting his hands up for Jesus to see them. “I was just asking if you’ve seen the shovels.”

Jesus frowned slightly, a bit puzzled, but then he composed himself and looked around.

“I…” he said, “I think we forgot to bring them from the shed.”

 “I’ll go get them then,” Kal said and suddenly he was gone too.

Jesus was left alone, standing next to the coffin with Ken’s cold body. He looked down and through an opening he saw Ken’s pale face resting peacefully in the wooden box. As he was looking down at Ken, his calmness almost hypnotizing him, he remembered a night from about two years ago.

_It was two weeks since the war has ended. But their victory was a fleeting thing. Was it even a victory when they lost so much and now it seemed almost impossible to move on? Jesus thought that few days away from Hilltop will do him good. There were too many people around, too many emotions. But being outside didn’t help either. If anything, he felt worse, almost lonely. He came back this afternoon, just after dinner. He took a shower and grabbed something to eat, then went over to distribute the stuff he scavenged. When he was done, it was already after sunset. He aimed it to his trailer and flopped on the bed, taking a book and starting to read. But soon he realized he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was reading. He felt itchy, something was pulling him towards the Barrington House. He needed to speak to Maggie. Jesus had to put in so much strength to be around her. Her grief was still too fresh and strong, the sheer intensity of it sometimes taking him off guard. But she was his friend and friends help each other. And right now he felt like he needed her help. Even if only to lend him a friendly ear. So he stood up and made his way towards the Barrington House._

_He didn’t realize he left his gloves in the trailer until he was already in the house. He cursed under his breath but decided not going to go all the way back to get them. He could handle it even without them. He zipped up his maroon hoodie and took a deep breath. It was summer and even the inside of the house was quite warm. But Jesus always chose safety before comfort. He was pushing his luck already by not having his gloves. He walked to the door of Maggie’s office and raised his hand to knock. That’s when he noticed a faint sound of baby crying in the other room. He frowned slightly but then shrugged. Maggie must have been inside with Gracie probably. He knocked and opened the door quietly._

_When he walked in, he got taken aback by the sight in front of him. It was not Maggie but Aaron pacing around the room with baby Gracie in his arms. And it wasn’t the sheer fact of Aaron taking care of Gracie that surprised Jesus. It was the way Aaron looked that left Jesus slightly dazed. Jesus didn’t see the other man for a few days now but what he saw in front of him didn’t look like Aaron at all. He looked exhausted, he had bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess and he looked like he didn’t shave in about a week. The guy looked terrible and Jesus’ heart ached a bit for him. After all, he knew Aaron lost his boyfriend only two weeks ago. Jesus didn’t know Eric nor Aaron that much, but from what he noticed he assumed the two of them had an endless amount of love and devotion for each other. Jesus thought about them once or twice, wondered how they were capable of withstanding the struggles of the apocalypse, how deep their commitment must have been to last for so long. And he wondered, not for the first time, if he would ever be able to settle down, if he will ever find a guy who’ll be worth staying for. He honestly doubted it._

_When Aaron noticed him, a spark of relief appeared in his eyes and Jesus got a bit nervous. He didn’t see Maggie in the room and he wasn’t sure what to say. He and Aaron said about five words to each other since they met and it has never been one on one conversation either. And now they were here, seemingly alone in the room, and Aaron looked so fragile and broken, trying so desperately to calm down the crying baby in his arms._

_Jesus cleared his throat and said: “Uhm, I’m looking for Maggie?” he started, not sure how to continue._

_“Oh, she uh,” Aaron said, bouncing around the room with Gracie whose cries were getting more and more earsplitting. “She went to bed early. Didn’t feel so good.” Aaron was talking fast, making his way towards Jesus._

_Something didn’t feel right to Jesus about this, but before he could say anything or leave, Aaron was already next to him, handing him the baby. “Listen, I need to go look for some diapers. Gracie had an accident and I can’t find any here. Can you hold her for a minute?”_

_“I’d rather not,” Jesus said, holding up his arms defensively, but Aaron wasn’t having any of it. He acted like he didn’t hear Jesus and practically shoved Gracie into his arms._

_“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” Aaron called out, already halfway out of the door._

_“Shit,” Jesus cursed under his breath when he was left in the room alone with Gracie. Then he looked at her and added. “Sorry. Please don’t repeat this word when you learn to talk.”_

_Gracie just continued to cry, struggling to get away from Jesus. Jesus tried to get a better hold of her, without having to touch her bare skin much, but it was impossible. He cursed himself for not going back to get his gloves, his nervousness transferring from him to Gracie._

_Gracie was quite irritated. She was in that wet diaper for about twenty minutes now and she didn’t like it. And now even the big soft guy disappeared and left her with the man she barely knew and from the way he looked at her, she didn’t like him much._

_“I know, I know, you don’t know me much, do you?” Jesus said, pacing around the room with her, trying to calm her down. “But don’t worry. That tall guy is coming back in a while and he’ll take care of you.” Gracie still struggled against him, trying to get away from his embrace. “Hey now. Be still, Gracie.” Jesus tried to lull her. “I get it, you don’t know me yet. You like Aaron better. I can see why. He’s big and strong, and soft, like a huge teddy bear, right? You probably like to be in his arms more than in mine. And you like his voice too, don’t you? His gruff, husky voice. It probably put you right to sleep every time, doesn’t it?”_

_Suddenly that gruff, husky voice sounded from behind Jesus and he jumped a bit in surprise._

_“Sorry, I’m here now,” Aaron said, his footsteps quickly closing in on Jesus._

_Jesus was flooded with relief momentarily, wanting nothing more but to hand Gracie back to Aaron. Aaron halted in front of Jesus, diaper in one hand and reached towards Jesus to take Gracie back. When he was handing her over their hands touched and Jesus was struck with the sheer intensity of Aaron’s emotions. It felt like he just hit the brick wall at the highest speed. The unpreparedness of the intensity of this feeling took Jesus’ breath away and he stumbled backwards slightly, his eyes wide, staring at Aaron. He felt his heart shattering into million pieces, the gut wrenching feeling making its place inside his stomach. He felt the emptiness like an endless void filling him, but at the same time every piece of him hurt like he_ _never felt it before. When he was able to take in his surroundings again, he saw Aaron looking at him with a slightly concerned expression._

_“You alright?” the taller man said and reached towards him, but Jesus recoiled quickly._

_“No… don’t touch me!” he exclaimed, his eyes wide as a deer in headlights. “I…” he stuttered. “I have to go.” he made it out of the room quickly, feeling like if he stayed there for any longer, he’s going to be sick._

_He walked out of the Barrington House and into the warm evening and when he was finally outside, he felt like he could breathe again. But the immense weight on his chest and the sick feeling in his stomach were still there and he knew he was going to feel like this for at least few more days. He leaned back against one of the pillars of Barrington House and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. But it was for naught._

_Now he understood why Aaron was so reluctant to go back to Alexandria. The thought of stepping into_ their _house alone and knowing, from now on, he’ll always be alone there, filled Aaron with dread. And Jesus felt that dread too now and that pain was so raw and deep it was making Jesus physically sick. He took a few more deep breaths and opened his eyes again. He knew what he needed to do. It won’t help in the long term, the feelings of gut wrenching sorrow and dejection will creep back eventually, but it will help for a moment. And he needed it now more than ever. To feel something that will remind him he’s still alive._

_He made his way towards Alex’ trailer, hoping the other man will be there. He needed someone to touch him, anyone but Aaron._ _How was Aaron even able to live like that? was the thought that crossed Jesus’ mind just before he knocked on Alex’ trailer and was met with green eyes and slight grin of a younger man._

     Jesus was still standing there, looking at Ken’s body and thinking about Aaron, Maggie, Tammy Rose, and Earl. Thinking about them and their grief. He almost wished he never experienced that feeling on his own. If this was what they were all feeling, he didn’t want to be in their shoes. How does one ever get over something like this? How does one move on from losing someone so important to them? If there was only something he could do for Tammy Rose and Earl.

And as he was standing there, contemplating, suddenly a thought sparked in his mind. _Maybe if he touched him? Could that help? Could he feel something, anything that might help his parents ease their pain?_ Part of Jesus thought of this as foolish. He never touched dead person before. He never even tried. He wasn’t sure why, but something was telling him it just wasn’t the best idea. And yet now, he was really contemplating the option. _What could be the worst that could happen?_ he thought.

He slowly pulled down the glove from his right hand and made a step towards Ken’s body in the coffin. He moved away the lid and looked at the pale young boy lying in it. He reached out, his hand lingering just above Ken’s. If he’s going to do it, there is no turning back. If it’ll backfire, he’ll have to live with the consequences. But the grieve he saw on Tammy Rose’s and Earl’s faces, the grief that reminded him Aaron’s, that reminded him of that terrible week when he felt the grief for the man he hardly knew but felt like he lost the love of his life. No one deserved to live through something like this. No one. And if Jesus could help them get through their grief then he knew he had to at least try. He finished the movement and placed his hand over Ken’s. And in that moment he realized what a terrible mistake he’s just made.

 

✶✶✶✶✶

 

     Jesus was lying in his bed, wide awake. Three days passed since the funeral. And for Jesus that meant three days of not sleeping and hardly eating. Maggie was worried about him. Aaron too. Aaron. He came two days ago with Rosita to trade some stuff with Hilltop. When he realized that something was not right with Jesus he got worried and concerned. Of course he did. They grew closer during the time that passed since the war ended. Jesus still kept his guard up around Aaron, but they were friendly… maybe even friends, Jesus thought sometimes. But he still didn’t know if that was all he wanted from the other man. He was attracted to him, he couldn’t deny it. And from the times when he practically caught Aaron ogling him, he knew Aaron felt a certain level of attraction towards him too. Was it a good feeling, knowing Aaron probably wanted to fuck him? Of course. But did he ever acted on it? Never. And then there were times when Jesus caught himself watching Aaron and thinking how it would feel, waking up next to this man every morning, or lying in his arms while falling asleep every night. This thoughts always came by surprise and they were confusing Jesus deeply.

Jesus ended things with Alex about a year ago. He felt guilty because he knew he was only using Alex to fix him when he had a particularly bad day. Or when he just needed to feel that surge of good emotions. But they never said they were more than just fuck buddies anyway. But then he started to feel that Alex was falling for him and he knew he didn’t feel the same. It seemed unfair to continue in their casual hook ups when Jesus knew he could never give the other man what he wanted from him. So he ended that thing that was between them. And he actually felt a deep relief when he did. Alex found a boyfriend soon after, Wes. And Jesus was happy for them. Alex deserved someone better than him, he knew that. But now he would give anything for being able to just stride towards Alex’s trailer and try to fix whatever was wrong with him. But in the end it didn’t matter, because it probably wouldn’t help anyway.

“Fuck!” Jesus cursed and ran a hand through his face. He wasn’t even wearing his gloves these past two days. He was walking around, touching people without any hesitation, just to see if any of it will work. But it didn’t. He was still in the same condition as after he touched Ken. Now it was almost midnight and he was lying in his bed, looking at the ceiling. He was thinking, trying to logically think about what could help. His mind raced back to Aaron, thinking about one of those moments when the taller man got caught up in his own thoughts and ended up checking Jesus out. Last time it happened it was few months back. Jesus went to Alexandria with a message for Rick and some supplies for trading. He ended up staying few days and staying over in one of the empty houses, not far from Aaron’s. It was the third night of his visit, the sun was just setting and Jesus was in the backyard, practicing his routines. It was a particularly warm day and Jesus knew he was alone so he didn’t bother with many layers. He was only in his cargo pants and loose tank top, his hair pulled up into a bun. He was practicing his moves, focused on his posture and breathing, when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned swiftly and saw Aaron standing next to the entrance to the backyard, his gaze slightly clouded. Jesus saw the look in Aaron’s eyes and suddenly he felt a surge of desire in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t need to touch Aaron to know what he was feeling right now. But then Aaron composed himself and his expression suddenly changed. The taller man turned slightly red, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck nervously. And then something else settled in Aaron’s eyes – shame.

It turned out Aaron came by to invite Jesus for dinner. He said it was foolish for them to be both cooking by themselves when they could share the resources and supplies. Jesus agreed and he was actually glad he accepted the invitation. The diner was nice and the conversation between them felt easy. Jesus was even glad he saw baby Gracie again, the little bundle of joy getting used to him more in the meantime and actually smiling when she saw him again. But there were times during that evening when Jesus thought back to that moment in the backyard and the look on Aaron’s face and he wanted nothing more than to jump on the man in front of him and tear away his clothes as he would explore every inch of the brunet’s body. But then he always stopped himself, his mind reaching the point when Aaron realized Jesus was looking at him. Jesus knew that if he touched him back then, the most prominent feeling that would seep through him would be guilt. And he certainly didn’t need that. He had lots of his problems, he didn’t need anyone else’s.

And now, few months later, as Jesus was lying in his bed, the more he was thinking about Aaron, the more he thought. _What if?_ The thought was stupid, he knew that. But he couldn’t help and hope that if anyone was going to help him feel again, it would be Aaron.  Jesus groaned and threw his head against the pillow. This sounded like another amazing idea of his, and he knew how the last one ended. But what was there to lose? Well, he knew what was at stake. But the gain still preceded the losses.

 

Jesus cursed under his breath again and got up from his bed. He decided. There was no turning back now. He walked out of his trailer and into the Barrington House. It was quiet, most of its residents sleeping already. Jesus jogged up the stairs and came to the room Aaron was accommodated for the night. He was lucky Aaron wasn’t sharing a room with anyone. He knocked and waited. Nothing. He knocked again, a bit louder. Still nothing.

“Shit!” he cursed under his breath. Of course Aaron was sleeping. He was traveling almost all day to get here, he must have been exhausted. Why was he so stupid and thought the other will be waiting for him with open arms. He turned to leave when he heard a soft creak of a door opening. He turned back and saw Aaron, sleep still in his eyes, standing in the doorway.

“What’s happening?” Aaron asked, still half asleep and scratching his head. As he stretched his arm up, the t-shirt he was wearing rode up slightly and it showed the curly soft hair that were growing on Aaron’s belly. Jesus’s eyes traveled there and he bit his lower lip thoughtlessly, wondering in his mind how would Aaron’s skin feel on his.

“Jesus?” Aaron said and Jesus’ eyes shot back up from Aaron’s body to his face. “Is something wrong?” Aaron asked, apparently not noticing the obvious way Jesus was just checking him out.

“I…” Jesus started. “Can I come in?”

“Uhm,” Aaron looked a bit puzzled. “Yeah, yeah sure.” he said, stepping away from the door and opening them wider. Jesus stepped into the small room and walked in enough so Aaron could close the door.

“So… what’s happening that it can’t wait until morning?” Aaron asked as he was closing the door. He turned to face the smaller man and his expression immediately turned into full on concern: “What’s going on, Jesus?” he asked, his voice full of worry.

“I just,” Jesus tried to voice himself. “I need you. That’s all.”

Aaron stayed taken aback a bit. “Need… me?” he asked, “Do you need to talk?”

Jesus stepped closer to the taller man, not breaking the eye contact. “I’d rather do something else.” he said and closed the distance between them.

 

Aaron’s confusion turned into shock when he felt Jesus’ lips on his, the smaller man’s body pressing against his. Suddenly he wasn’t sure if he was really up or if he was still dreaming. But damn those lips were so hot and soft and Aaron couldn’t resist anymore. He kissed Jesus back as fiercely and passionately as the other man kissed him. He let himself be pinned against the door by Jesus and moaned when he felt Jesus’ erection against his hip, as Jesus was grinding against him. Jesus nibbled on his lower lip shortly, then proceeded to suck on his neck.

“Fuck!” Aaron cursed, his hands driving to Jesus’ hips. He groaned when Jesus grazed his teeth against his neck and it felt even better as he thought it would. Aaron wanted to take the smaller man right there, not even bothering to get to bed. He would just fuck him against that door, making him scream his name, waking up half of the house. But the nudging thought in the back of his mind got a hold of him. This wasn’t like Jesus. This wasn’t right. He’s not right. And he’s trying to hide it behind this. Aaron had to gather all his strength to push Jesus gently away from him but he managed to do that.

“What?” Jesus said, short on breath, his eyes almost pleading when he looked at Aaron. Aaron’s heart ached when he saw those eyes and how empty they seemed to be right now.

“Wait,” Aaron said. “What are we doing?”

Jesus quirked his eyebrows, hiding whatever was wrong with him behind a smug smirk. “Do I really have to explain it to you?”

“That’s not what I mean.” Aaron said, shaking his head. “What’s wrong, Jesus?”

Jesus was looking at Aaron for a moment before he leaned in again, grabbing him by the neck not so gently and pressing against him. “Do you want to talk… or do you want to fuck?” he growled low.

Aaron’s breath hitched slightly and his eyes closed half-way. Why did he have to make it so hard for him? Aaron swallowed and put his hands on Jesus’ shoulders, pushing him away again. “I don’t want to…” he started and sighed. “I want to… but not like this.” he said, looking at Jesus firmly. Jesus stepped away from him completely.

“What’s going on, Jesus?” Aaron asked.

“Nothing. Forget about this.” Jesus said as he pushed the other man away and opened the door. “It didn’t work like it was supposed to anyway.”

And with that Jesus left Aaron in his room, alone and confused.

 

✶✶✶✶✶

 

Jesus dozed off for a few hours before dawn, exhaustion finally overpowering his will to stay awake. When rooster outside crowed Jesus shot awake and it took him a while to realize where he was. When he came to his senses he remembered what happened the other night and he flopped back to bed, groaning in frustration. He rubbed his face with his hands, cursing himself for being such an idiot. How could he expect that just because it’s Aaron, his touch will magically heal him? It was a stupid, desperate idea and now Jesus felt like he can’t even look the other man in the eyes. He had to leave. He couldn’t be here right now. He knew if he met Aaron today, he would want to address the situation and Jesus definitely didn’t want to talk about it.

He got up from his bed and hastily changed his clothes. It’ll be better if he’ll just go away for a while, to put his thoughts together. He hasn’t been scavenging for ages and a little time on his own might do him good. He took two apples from the table before he left his trailer and aimed it to the barns. He took his horse, saddled him in record time and walked him out. He told the guys who were on watch duty that he’s going scavenging and he’s probably not going to come back until tomorrow evening ( _when Aaron and Rosita will be gone_ , he finished the thought in his head). With that he trotted away from Hilltop and into the wilderness. When he was from the sight of Hilltop he slowed down into a walk and took the apple out of his pocket. As he started to eat it he remembered he forgot to take his gloves. Normally it would bug him, but they were useless now anyway, so he just shrugged and continued on his way. After about an hour he heard a fast gallop behind him. He frowned and turned on his horse but couldn’t see anyone yet. He was sure no one was supposed to go out today. Unless there has been some kind of emergency. He decided he’ll wait for the rider at the side of the road, just in case. He walked his horse to the side and dismounted him. As he was waiting, he took out the second apple he brought and gave it to the horse. Horse snorted in delight and took the apple out of his hand. Jesus was watching the horse munching on the apple, his maw tickling his palm. He remembered how it should feel but he didn’t feel anything. After a while the gallop got closer and he could spot the horse in the distance. When he recognized the rider it was too late to do anything but stand there and wait for him to come to the hearing distance.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jesus glared at Aaron as the taller man approached him on the horse.

Aaron shrugged. “Guys told me you were going to scavenge. I guess you must have forgotten to take the list of things to scavenge from Maggie.”

Jesus shot him a cold look and mounted his horse, turning back to Aaron.

“You can come with me if you want, I won’t deny you this. But I’m not going to talk to you.”

“Fine by me.” he could hear Aaron say behind him.

Jesus spurred his horse and started to trot again.

 

Jesus wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t going to talk. They were out for over five hours already and he still didn’t say a word. They weren’t very lucky when it came to finding stuff and Aaron thought the time would pass quicker if they talked. But Jesus didn’t start the conversation and Aaron wasn’t sure what to say. After all, the last night was weird as hell. Aaron noticed something was wrong with Jesus the moment he stepped into Hilltop yesterday, but Maggie told him he doesn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t know what was going on either, she just knew that it started after Ken’s funeral. Aaron knew Ken, he was there when he died after all, but he never thought Jesus and Ken were very close. No, it seemed like there was more to it than just Ken’s death.

Jesus was a mystery for Aaron. He knew Jesus for about two and a half years now, but he still didn’t know anything about him. And Aaron was a man who saw himself as someone who can read people pretty easily. That was one of the reasons why he used to be a recruiter in the new world. Hell, he could also read Daryl, and that was saying something. Not to say that Daryl never surprised Aaron with his actions. But Jesus. Aaron couldn’t get hold of the guy any way possible. He was kind; that was the only obvious thing about him. He was always ready to help, always there, when someone needed an advice. But he rarely asked to be helped. Almost as if he didn’t trust other people. Sometimes Aaron found himself wishing Jesus would open up to him a bit more, wishing they’d be closer than they were. And sometimes, sometimes he found himself thinking about running his hands through those long locks and kissing those pink lips that rarely smiled. Aaron’s feelings towards Jesus confused him. His grief for Eric was still there but he learned to live with it by now. He made peace with Eric’s passing and he could even go as far and say he had another reason to live – his daughter. He never expected to adopt Gracie as his own when he brought her to Hilltop but when it was time to finally move back to Alexandria he found it impossible to say goodbye to that little giggling bundle. He talked about it with Maggie and she supported him in his decision. She knew he would give her a good home and an unconditional love she deserved. And she also knew Gracie would help Aaron ease his pain of Eric’s passing. And so it happened that when Aaron returned to his house in Alexandria, he didn’t step into it alone. Having Gracie was enough for him for a long time. The thought of starting another relationship didn’t even crossed his mind. After all, he didn’t have much time to think about his love life when he had to care of a little baby. But as he was getting closer to Jesus the thoughts about future and possibilities started to creep into his mind. But he still wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted from the other man. Sure he was attracted to him. Jesus was, after all, extremely hot. But Aaron felt, deep into his heart, that he didn’t just want to fuck him. He wanted more. And that thought scared him a bit. He never pictured being with anyone but Eric. He always thought they’re going to grow old together, remembering all the beautiful moments they lived through together in the end. But life took him away from him way too soon and now, now Aaron found himself thinking about moving on.

When Jesus and Aaron arrived at the clearing in the woods, Aaron stopped his horse and started to dismount it. Jesus turned around and gave him a questioning look.

“It’s long after noon already and I’m starving.” Aaron said as he started to take out the stuff out of his saddle bag.

Jesus rolled his eyes and dismounted his horse too. He quietly walked into the woods to pick up some branches while Aaron was building the fireplace and starting the fire. After not more than hour their lunch was prepared. Aaron put one big portion of stew in a bowl and handed it to Jesus. Jesus eyed him cautiously and then said: “I’m not hungry.”

His stomach betrayed him though, because right in that moment it growled loudly. Aaron raised his brows in questioning manner and Jesus rolled his eyes again. He took the bowl and started to eat. They ate in quiet, Jesus, who claimed he wasn’t hungry, finishing much sooner than Aaron. Then he just sat there, looking into the fireplace. When Aaron finished his meal, he put the bowl on the side and his eyes traveled to Jesus, lost in his thoughts. He was wearing his usual amount of layers, burgundy cargo pants, a shirt, leather vest over it, and his long leather duster. He didn’t have his gloves on tough, which was an improvement, Aaron thought. Of course there was a practical use of layers when you ventured outside these days. But Aaron saw the shorter man walking around in the warmest of the weather or even in the house in the long sleeves and with his gloves on frequently, which he found extremely odd, but never commented on. _He must have been some kind of germophobe_ , Aaron thought once, leaving that matter to be.

Aaron got sick of the silence between them and finally spoke: “Are you ever going to talk to me about it?”

Jesus looked up at Aaron and said curtly: “About what?”

“About what happened last night.”

Jesus averted his eyes again. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Right.” Aaron said, falling silent again.

After a while, Jesus said: “Why do you even care?”

Aaron studied the other man for a while, not being able to pick up any emotion visible on his face. “Because…,” he said, “I consider you my friend. And when I see that my friend is hurting, that something is clearly wrong, I want to help.”

Jesus looked at Aaron, his face blank. After a while he stood up and reached a hand towards Aaron. “Give me your bowl. There’s a stream nearby. I´m gonna rinse it. You can put out the fire.”

Aaron did as he was told and started to put out the fire.

 

Jesus was not far from the clearing, rinsing the bowls in the stream. He pictured the water must be ice cold in the early spring but he didn’t feel it. As he was knelt down, his back facing the woods, he heard soft footsteps behind him. He stood up and sighed in frustration.

“Look… I’ve told you… I don’t want to talk ab–” his words were cut off when he felt a knife at his throat and he froze.

“Don’t move,” a raspy woman’s voice said as she tightened her grip on the knife.

Jesus didn’t. His mind started racing frantically, trying to think about the best action to take right now. But the knife was pressing really hard on his throat and he knew that if he moved even slightly, woman behind him could easily just slit him and leave him to bleed. And then the thought came. _Would it be so bad, if she did?_ It would probably feel better than this. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to die, but this… condition he was in, that was no living. He didn’t know how long he’d be able to carry on like this.

Suddenly Aaron’s voice sounded from behind them. “Let him go!”

Woman loosened her grip ever so slightly to spin them around and suddenly he was face to face with Aaron, who was pointing a gun at woman behind him.

 

Aaron just put out the fire when he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. First he thought it was Jesus but when he looked around he couldn’t see the other man anywhere. Aaron walked towards the woods, following the sound of the stream Jesus talked about. He caught the sight of that something he saw before again and his first thought was it was just a walker. But then he realized its movements were more precise and he realized – it was a person. For a moment he lost the sight of the person that was lurking in the woods but then he heard woman’s voice saying ‘Don’t move.’ and he followed it. He made sure to move as quietly as possible, his eyes on guard. When he was in the shooting distance from her, he aimed his gun at her and demanded: “Let him go!”

Aaron wondered for a while why Jesus didn’t make his ninja magic and didn’t tackle the woman to the ground but when they turned, he understood. The woman was holding a huge knife at Jesus’ throat and the slightest wrong movement could cost him his life. The blade was pressed so close to Jesus’ skin, prickles of blood were already starting to form. Aaron’s stomach clenched and for a moment panic started to rise in him. But then he took a calming breath and composed himself. He had to think quickly now.

The woman seemed wild, almost feral. Aaron wondered how long was she living in the wilderness like that. Her clothes were so worn out it looked like rags. He hair was dirty and messy and her teeth rotten. Aaron had a good aim but he couldn’t predict what could happen if he shot her – her hand might go either way. Almost like deus ex machina a branch snapped nearby. Aaron didn’t let himself get distracted but the woman did. And that was all that was needed. Jesus took her hand and expertly threw her over himself and to the ground. But then he seemed to freeze completely. Aaron had just a moment to wonder what happened because the woman jumped back up with a deafening shriek and she was about to stab Jesus. Aaron shot and she fell dead to the ground. He wanted to say something but then another branch snapped and he remembered the distraction that saved Jesus. This time it was a walker. Aaron quickly scanned the surroundings to find it and went over to kill it with his knife. They made enough noise already. When he turned back to look at Jesus he saw the other man was still standing over the body of dead woman, looking at his hands in disbelief. Aaron walked closer to him and reached to grab his shoulder, but the other man suddenly flinched. Aaron was taken aback. It was a long time since Jesus reacted like this to him. And Aaron felt a slight sting in his heart when he did just now.

“Are you… alright?” Aaron asked, raising his hands to show he meant no harm.

Jesus looked at him, panic in his eyes visible.

“Jesus,” Aaron said, making a step closer but Jesus stepped back, almost stepping into the stream.

“No,” he said. “Don’t touch me.”

Another sting in Aaron’s heart. This time sharper.

“Alright,” Aaron said, backing away ever so slightly. “I’m sorry. I just… are you ok?”

Jesus looked down at the woman lying on the ground then at his hands and then at Aaron.

“I’m…” Jesus said. “I don’t know.”

“We should head back to Hilltop,” Aaron decided with a tone that left no room for complaints. But he had a feeling Jesus wasn’t going to complain anyway.

 

When they came back to Hilltop, Jesus went straight to his trailer without uttering a word. Aaron didn’t push him, he knew the man long enough to know when to leave him alone. He took their horses back to stables instead and brushed them and cleaned their hooves before heading back to Barrington House to find Maggie.

When Jesus didn’t show up for dinner Aaron started to get concerned. He wanted to give the other man some space. But since he strode off to his trailer he didn’t walk out. Aaron sat down at the steps of Barrington House and starred at Jesus’ trailer. There was no light on, but Aaron thought, unless Jesus had a hole in that trailer, he had to be there. Something was definitely wrong with him, Aaron could see that. And today, today something changed. Since Aaron came to Hilltop yesterday Jesus seemed distant, almost lifeless, his eyes so empty. But today at the stream, after that woman died, something shifted in Jesus. He finally saw some emotion in his eyes. But it was pure dismay. And in that moment all that Aaron wanted was to make it go away. But how could he when the other man kept pushing him away. Aaron was sitting at those steps yet for a long time, deep in thoughts. He was about to leave tomorrow and he didn’t know when he would get back or when he would meet Jesus again. He didn’t want to leave without trying to help him. He was his friend after all.

It was few hours after sunset when Aaron got fed up with just thinking and decided to do something about it. He told himself he’s not going to back out now, no matter how closed off Jesus will be. He has to let someone in. And although Aaron wasn’t yet prepared to admit it out loud, he wanted to be that person. He stood up and made his way towards Jesus’ trailer. He knocked loud enough for other man to hear him and waited. A slight curse sounded from inside and then footsteps. So he was there. When Jesus opened the door Aaron saw his eyes were red and his hair still put up in the bun, but it was really messy. _Was he crying?_ Aaron thought.

“What do you want?” Jesus asked, hostility in his voice.

“I… wanted to see how you doing.” Aaron said, slightly put back.

“Well, you saw me. Satisfied?”

Jesus’ stare was hard and cold, but Aaron told himself he’s not going to back down.

“Can I come in?” Aaron asked and for a moment he thought Jesus was going to slam the door in his face. But then he stepped back and motioned for him to step in.

Aaron walked into Jesus’ trailer and let Jesus close the door. He waited while the other man sat. Jesus sat on the bed and Aaron took the chair from the table and stood it opposite Jesus. He sat down and looked at the other man. Jesus averted his eyes, not able to hold Aaron’s gaze.

“What now?” Jesus asked, almost whispering.

“Can we talk?” Aaron asked and he saw Jesus glanced briefly at his gloves, lying at table next to Aaron. Then he folded his arms at his chest, hiding his hands and his gaze returned to the ground.

“Why?”

“Because I… I care about you, Jesus. And I’m worried.”

Jesus chuckled but it sounded more like a sob. Aaron shifted a bit wanting to reach towards Jesus but then he remembered how the other man reacted today and he leaned back, giving him space.

“Is there something…” Aaron started, swallowing hard. “Did someone hurt you… when you were younger?”

Jesus’ eyes shot up, puzzlement in them, then the realization dawned upon him. He bowed his head and sighed deeply.

“It’s not like that.” he said. “I… have an ability.”

“An ability?” Aaron repeated.

Jesus looked up to him, searching his eyes. Aaron wasn’t sure what Jesus expected his reaction would be, right now he was just confused.

“There is this… ability in our family. Every first born gets it, no matter the gender. It’s…” he looked down at his hands, “I touch someone and I know how they feel. No… I don’t just know that… I feel what they feel.”

Aaron’s brows furrowed. Jesus sighed.

“You remember that time when you were here with Gracie, it wasn’t long after the war has ended. And I came to Maggie’s office and you didn’t have diapers so you gave her to me.”

Aaron’s eyes widened. “Yeah,” he said. “And when I came back, you acted strange. I mean, stranger than usual.”

Jesus smirked slightly. “Yeah.”

“Did we touch back then? When you were handing me Gracie?”

“Yeah,” Jesus said, his face solemn.

“And… what did you feel?” Aaron asked, feeling his chest tightening.

“What you felt.” Jesus said. “I… I felt like I was the one who just lost the most important person in the world to me. Like I… like I didn’t want to go on without him.”

Aaron felt tears stinging his eyes and he shut them firmly for a moment.

“Sorry,” Jesus said. “Should have used better example.”

Aaron looked at him again. “How do you…?”

“Manage?” Jesus added.

Aaron nodded.

Jesus smirked again. “Lots of layers.” Then, after a while he added: “And I’m not just talking about clothes.”

“What happened at the funeral?” Aaron asked, his voice concerned again.

Jesus closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. When he opened them again, Aaron noticed there were tears in them.

“I thought that I might do a favor for Tammy Rose and Earl… that I might ease their grief when I’ll know what Ken felt before he died. But when I touched him…” Jesus’ voice trailed off and the tears started to fall freely from his eyes.

Aaron instinctively leaned over and reached his hand to give comfort to Jesus, but in the last second he stopped and thought about it better. He slowly leaned back and crossed his hands on his chest to prevent any other unintentional outburst of comfort. Jesus had his head bowed, the tears were falling down on the ground and his voice was so low when he spoke, that Aaron had to strain his ears to hear him.

“When I touched him… there was nothing…” he said, looking up to Aaron. “I felt nothing.” he continued, choking back the tears. “It was like, floating in the darkness, I couldn’t feel myself, my body, I… I couldn’t feel anybody else. I couldn’t sleep. Because when I closed my eyes… I couldn’t only feel nothing, I couldn’t see noting too and I… I felt like I was dead myself.” he said. He wiped some of the tears and fell silent for a while. Aaron was sitting there, waiting for Jesus to continue. When he did, his voice was still teary and broken.

“That night I came to you I thought… it worked before. When I contradicted any unwanted emotions, like your grief back then, I went to Alex and we’ve…. it worked, for a while. I was consumed by other, more pleasant emotions. And I thought…. it wasn’t just about sex.” Jesus said and looked up at Aaron. “I wouldn’t do it with anyone else. I didn’t even try. But you…. I thought if it’s going to work, it’s going to work with you.”

Aaron felt his heart skip a beat at this thought.

“But it didn’t,” Jesus added. “It was… terrible.”

“What changed?” Aaron asked, and although he tried to speak quietly, the sound of his voice in the small trailer sounded deafening to him.

Jesus was looking at him for a while, before he spoke: “That woman today by the stream.” he said. “When I touched her, suddenly, it came back. All of it. It hit me like a wave. And it wasn’t just her emotions. She was scared, yes. But I was petrified. In that moment, I honestly thought I’m going to die. I thought she’s going to cut me right there and then like a pig. And… I don’t know, maybe it was that near death experience, maybe it was the self-preservation instinct, but…. it came back.” he fell silent and looked at his hands again.

“Jesus,” Aaron whispered and the smaller man looked up at him. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Aaron leaned in a bit, his instinct kicking in again. He wanted nothing more than to go and hug the other man, but he wasn’t sure if it would be welcomed. Instead, he asked: “Can I help you somehow? Can I… can I do something to make it better?”

Jesus’s eyes locked with his and his face got completely solemn. Aaron saw Jesus swallowing hard before he opened his mouth and whispered: “Touch me.”

Aaron didn’t need to be told twice. He made it to the bed in one swept move and knelt down to cup Jesus’ jaw with both hands, kissing him eagerly.

 

When Aaron’s hands touched Jesus’ face, Jesus forgot about his misery right away. The feelings that soared through him were electrifying. He almost choked at their intensity, his chest tightening in response of the surge of comfort that flooded him. When Aaron’s lips touched his, no matter how childish it was, he felt butterflies in his stomach. After a moment of surprise he arched up, returning the kiss. Aaron’s tongue licked his lower lip and Jesus immediately complied, opening up for the taller man. When Aaron’s tongue slipped into Jesus’ mouth, the smaller man groaned in pleasure. A shot of electricity shot through him as Aaron deepened the kiss and he reached out to grab the back of Aaron’s neck. When he broke the contact, Jesus groaned in frustration. He needed him, he needed to feel the other man all over his body. They discarded their clothes in record time and returned to bed, Jesus lying on his back, Aaron leaning over him. When Aaron’s hand touched his chest, Jesus almost shouted in pleasure. He never felt this strong with anyone. He thought he might come just from Aaron touching him.  But then he felt Aaron’s mouth on his dick and for a moment he only saw white light. The pleasure was unbearable. Aaron’s mouth was working him expertly and he had to put the pillow over his face to muffle his vocal moans. Jesus was lost in sensation when he realized Aaron’s mouth started to move up from his groin, his hand continuing to stroke him. Jesus cried out into pillow when Aaron’s mouth made its way to his nipple, grazing it ever so slightly with his teeth. He felt Aaron smiling as he was kissing his chest, making his way up. When he got to his neck, he gently pushed away the pillow and licked his earlobe.

“Fuck, Aaron!” Jesus exclaimed, breathless. “You’re going to kill me!”

“Not yet.” Aaron said and Jesus could feel his hot breath close to him. “Turn around.”

Jesus moaned loudly at implication and did as he was told.

“Condoms?” he heard Aaron asking and replied. “In the drawer.” before he motioned towards the nightstand by the bed. “Lube too.”

Aaron was about to reach out towards the drawer, when Jesus took his wrist and stopped him. “Wait.” he said, looking over his shoulder to meet the other man’s eyes. “Don’t stop touching me.”

He saw Aaron’s pupils widening and for a brief moment he felt his desire on his own skin. Aaron was stroking Jesus’ back with one hand, the other was fumbling through the drawer.

“Shit,” Aaron cursed when he dropped the lube. “Sorry, babe. But I can’t do it with one hand.” Aaron said and had to break the contact for a while.

Jesus groaned slightly, pushed his hips up in search of any contact. “I like it.” he breathed out, stroking himself lazily, while he waited for Aaron to prepare himself.

“What is it?” Aaron asked, teasingly.

“When you call me babe,” Jesus smiled and then gasped when he felt Aaron’s lubed finger entering him. He felt like he was suffocating but damn if it wasn’t the best feeling ever. He gripped the sheet of his bed when he felt Aaron’s other finger entering him and groaned so loud he was sure that people heard it in Barrington House.

“Fuck me already!” Jesus said, his hips bucking up to meet Aaron’s fingers.

He heard Aaron’s breath hitched and felt Aaron’s surge of desire seep through him.

“Are you sure?” Aaron asked and Jesus was struck with the feeling of concern and worry. _What were they doing? This was going to change things between them._ He looked over his shoulder at the taller man and gave him a reassuring smile: “We’ll figure that out later,” he said. “Now, fuck me!”

There it was, that surge of desire again, now accompanied by a deeper and warmer feeling. But Jesus didn’t have much time to dwell on that feeling before he felt Aaron entering him and he had to bite down the pillow to not wake up whole of Hilltop.

Aaron was as deep inside him as possible and Jesus could feel him all over his body. Aaron adjusted himself and started to gain pace. When he found his rhythm, Jesus started to buck his hips to meet his thrusts, moaning after every thrust. He knew when Aaron was close, he felt it in him. It took him all the strength he had left, but he propped himself up, one hand leaning against the wall and he said: “Aaron, wait!”

The feeling of instant worry flooded him and he had to stop himself for a moment. “No, everything’s fine.” he breathed out and felt a relief flowing through him. He smiled to himself. Aaron was so protective. He looked over his shoulder to meet Aaron’s gaze and he said: “I know you’re close. Me too. But I want to see you when I come.”

Jesus’s heart clenched when he felt the sudden feeling of affection and he wasn’t sure if that feeling belonged to him, to Aaron, or to both of them. Aaron pulled out of him and for a moment, when they were changing their positions and weren’t touching, Jesus felt empty inside. But then Jesus straddled Aaron, who was now lying on his back and he guided himself back into Jesus. And all the feelings were starting to flood Jesus again.

“Wait!” Aaron said and his hand reached towards Jesus’ face. He caressed his bearded cheek just before he reached behind him and pulled an elastic rubber band out of his hair. Jesus’ hair fell down and sprawled on his shoulders and back. Jesus’s breath hitched when he felt Aaron’s did too.

“My God, you are beautiful.” Aaron said and Jesus knew exactly how he meant it. He couldn’t help it anymore, the emotions were so strong Jesus felt the tears forming in his eyes. The tears of pleasure and happiness. He started to move up and down slowly, gradually gaining speed and momentum. Aaron was bucking his hips to meet Jesus’ and it was so glorious and intense that Jesus knew they won’t last for long. He bent down, his hair falling over and covering them both in the most intimate moment, as Jesus kissed Aaron with everything he had, as he rode Aaron into the peak. They came almost simultaneously, Jesus knowing exactly when Aaron is going to reach that sweet spot and that toppled him over the top too. They rode through their orgasms together, kissing and touching and trying to feel each other as much as was humanly possible.

After that, Jesus disengaged from Aaron’s embrace and flopped beside him on the bed. They laid there for a while, both of them exhausted, but satisfied. Then Aaron leaned away to grab a cloth to clean them. Jesus whimpered slightly at the loss of contact, but he was too exhausted to do anything else.

He had a lots of guys before, but what he never did, was staying after. It was nice while it lasted. To feel that desire, lust, and infatuation. But there was never anything else. Just these nice, but shallow emotions. But with Aaron Jesus felt something more. When Aaron came back to bed and after he took care of them both, he lied next to him and Jesus felt, even without Aaron touching him, that there was something more between them. He opened his eyes and met his gaze with equally blue ones.

“How was it?” Aaron asked, smiling, and stroking Jesus’ arm gently.

Jesus smiled too. “It’s impossible to describe.” he said and leaned in to lazily kiss Aaron. “But I’m sure you felt it too.”

Aaron smiled and pulled Jesus closer to him. “I definitely felt something, yeah.”

Jesus closed his eyes and let himself get drift away by the feelings of warmth and care that radiated from Aaron. Maybe he found the guy worth staying for after all.


End file.
